We use the word energy all the time, but what is it?
More and more I can't help but know what it is, and am less and less able to describe what is happening.
I think I've always partly wanted to dissipate. To break down into light particles and be pure love. Glow like a fucking firefly. Ascend. Whatever the hell that means.
These days I feel the glowing intensify more than I ever have in my entire life. Through each and every emotional valley, I crawl up through the dew soaked grass and the light ahead pulls me forward. I'm no longer really in control. I'm being led. And somehow, I'm still in control of it. It's just, I'm aligning.
The amount of beautiful people gifting me love actually hurts. It's like shining light on these indescribable wounds that I can't even talk about. Every single day I am cracking open on the pebbled beach. Feeling every single beautiful and painful thing. Instead of running away, or cutting it off, taking it in, accepting its simplicity. And it is just overflowing out of me like a damn flood and I feel so simultaneously lonely, sad, joyful and loved all at the same time.
I'm being visited by angels and gifted unconditional compassion. If I just look and ask for it, there it is.
And every time I cry I feel reborn. I wouldn't exchange this time for anything. For any amount of money, for any amount of fame. Despite the aching evenings I have nothing but gratitude. I asked for this. I got it.
Take me, I want it. I am working my way to the sea. The birch tree forest.
The lighthouse. Calling me home.