Planting seeds and watching them grow; this always is how living works. You cultivate something and tend it, adjusting and figuring out each moment what needs to happen next. Its so easy when it comes to gardening, but when it comes to life, the choices and events are so many layered and sometimes confusing.
I've been working on these hares for two years now almost, and they have started to change. A new artist in my life gave me such simple but tender insight, something that shifted my own self doubt about how they looked. His love of folk art and abstraction led him to love these little beings, and abstraction is kind of what ends up happening when I work; especially when I paint. It made me stand more solidly on my creative process, and to even leave some of them unfinished; letting their existence just be. The painting above is my favorite so far, and I am very grateful to see this seed mature into a different stage.
I am going to keep tending these, and seeing what new sprouts emerge.
This is the only aspect of my life I can even remotely control. Everything else feels fluid and unstable, and I can't quite hold on to anything. There is no stability. And there is no reassurance. Perhaps this is the way it always was, and the truth is I have never truly felt safe. I'm working on it. I know there are ways to manage this, to be at home wherever I am. I have a multitude of goals and visions for my future, and so I dream and gently plant them with endless hope and a deep desire for a home of my own. That I build. That is filled with love, trust, and true authentic partnership.
Until then, I paint hares. I drink tea. And I stumble my way through the dark.